Monkey at the bar A guy walks into a bar with a monkey following him and hops up on the bar stool, followed by his monkey. He orders a drink for him and the monkey, and the monkey reaches over for the basket of peanuts. Monkey picks up a peanut, looks at it intently, sticks it up his butt, takes it out and eats it. The bartender looks at the monkey, horrified at what it just did, and then to the man who showed no reaction at all. The bartender shrugs it off. A little while passes and the guy goes to the candy machine and comes big with a handful of jelly beans for the monkey. The monkey takes each one, carefully inspects it, sticks it up his butt, removes it, then eats it. Finally the bartender looks at the guy and say 'Alright you've got to tell me what's wrong with him.' The man responds, 'He swallowed a cue ball last week and now he's making sure everything he eats will fit.' Extra: A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says 'Amazing! Where did you get that?!' The parrot responds 'Africa!' The worst thing about being told you have Alzheimer's is it doesn't just happen once. (Courtesy of Jimmy Carr) What do you call a 3-legged donkey? Glue. (Jimmy Carr)