If I'd been around in France when Marie Antoinette said "let them eat cake," I would've been like "wait a minute, let's hear this lady out."

Cop: we know you're in there. Me in a French accent: I am not ere, I am in France. Cop: when will you be back? Me: je ne comprends pas

France declared war on al Qaida yesterday. Thank God, for someone needed to teach the terrorists how to surrender.

The only thing more boring than Lance Armstrong's interview is the Tour de France.