*im applying Chapstick and doing curtseys in the mirror* *dad walks past* *dad double takes* *im doing push-ups and drinkin a protein snake*

Whenever I work out, I wear a push-up bra so I can do more push-ups. If I didn't, it'd be so embarrassing and people would laugh at me.

I take it personally when the UPS guy drops off a package for my neighbors but doesn't bring me one.

UPS guy just acted like he'd never seen anyone answer the door in a super hero cape & a straw farmer hat.