A doctor is examining a woman in the Emergency Room. The doctor takes the husband aside and says, ""I don't like the looks of your wife at all."" ""Me neither, Doc. But she's a great cook and she is really good with the kids.""

Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious.

Mannequin challenge but me just standing in the kitchen, in the dark, holding the ice cream container as my wife walks by unaware.

I need to get my shit together. It's in little piles in my kitchen & then there's some more in my wife's closet.