Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing.

If you eat a pot brownie and a Ken doll, you'll poop a Matthew McConaughey.

'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.