Vladimir Putin consulted with a fortune teller. He asked: "How long will I live?" The psychic replied: "I cannot tell that but I do know you will die on a Ukrainian holiday." "Which holiday?" Putin asked. "Whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday."
Whoa I'm floating! Am I...dead? "No it's a dream" What a relief! Wait. Who said that? Grim Reaper: (mutters) shit Uh nobody go back to sleep
NURSE: Doctor, I've lost the cat's pulse VET: Ok. Time of death is 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, and 10:05
HERE'S A KID WITH NO ARMS AND NO LEGS AND HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU'LL DIE SOON TOO, BUY THINGS. - Super Bowl Commercials in a nut shell
The Walking Dead is Jesus's favorite show.
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