Only 1490's kids will remember this *sails from Europe and destroys an indigenous population*

My neighbor said "nice skirt" so I said, "thanks, it helps me not blast Miley Cyrus at 6 in the morning, you should borrow it sometime."

Considering we've produced Miley Cyrus and Kanye West, I'm more surprised other countries haven't built a wall around the U.S.

ME: [sitting on iphone] europe. europe. EUROPE. europe [5 hrs later] ME: ok fine maybe ur right WIFE: what did you think airplane mode meant