I lost 30 lbs, and did it without exercising or changing my diet! Ask me how. Not right now, though. I'm waiting for my meth dealer to call.

Free will is good, but free pizza is better.

Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn't be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn't waste thousands of them in the '80s throwing them at Mario.

I would be morbidly obese if food for thought was an actual thing.