I tried to walk into Target But I missed. - Mitch Hedberg

I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. - Mitch Hedberg

I used to go to New Years Eve parties I still do, but I used to too! -Mitch Hedberg style-

In the style of Mitch Hedberg. I don't like fish eggs on my sushi... ...because I'm against abortion