I got a flyer in the mail that said "Get into a new car no questions asked!" Bullshit... my neighbor still asked WTF I was doing in his BMW.

I just saw a black guy driving a BMW and doing the speed limit. I'm following him until he pulls over b/c I know he has drugs in the car.

Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?

My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn't help but admire it. ""Nice car,"" I said as he got out. ""Well,"" he said, noticing my admiring looks, ""Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year.""