A burglar enters a house and notices a flat screen television. And as he is about to pick it up, he hears a voice saying, “God is watching you”. He then notices a wallet stuffed with dollar bills on the sideboard and as he picks up the wallet again hears the voice, “God is still watching you”. He looks around the room with his torch and spots a parrot in a cage in the corner of the room. He approaches the parrot and asks, “What is your name?” “Solomon” the parrot replies. “Who would be daft enough to call a parrot Solomon?” retorted the burglar. “The same person that calls a Rottweiller God!” chuckles the parrot. 197. A chimpanzee went into a bar the other week and ordered a pint of beer. The barman served him the drink and said, “That's $8 please.” As the chimpanzee is giving him the cash, the bartender says, “Do you know, it’s not often we get chimpanzees in here.” “I’m not surprised at these prices!” replied the chimpanzee.