[Me and a friend have movie night, order pizza and do some acid] Me: "Hell yeah" Friend: "Hell yeah" Pizza: "Oh hell yeah"

I can't wait till I have kids so I can drive slowly past McDonalds and tell them there's food at home when they ask for some..

I wonder if serial killers watch Criminal Minds like chefs watch the Food Network: "Oh, bad move, I'd have done it this way..."

I lost 30 lbs, and did it without exercising or changing my diet! Ask me how. Not right now, though. I'm waiting for my meth dealer to call.