I paid $22 to connect to the internet from an airplane flying over the pacific so you guys better provide some worthwhile content

Twitter is like a soap opera for some of you. I'd like to be the one who sneaks into the hospital and unplugs your life support.

[first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"

14yo: My voice keeps randomly changing DOCTOR: That's normal at your age 14yo: [Batman voice] Thank you doctor DOCTOR: That's not normal