My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.

My company just gave the janitor the Employee of the Month Award in a big ceremony that he spent hours cleaning up afterwards.

THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was...