Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out.

Good cop: license and registration please Perp: I'm sorry was I speeding Dad Cop: hi sorry was I speeding, I'm dad.

Father O'Brien was driving home after lunch when a policeman pulled him over ... Father O'Brien was driving home after lunch when a policeman pulled him over. ""What have you been drinking?"" asked the cop. ""Only water,"" replied the priest. ""Then what's that next to you?"" said the policeman, pointing to the half-empty bottle of pinot noir in the passenger seat. ""Good Lord!"" said Father O'Brien. ""He's done it again!"" ^[[source]](http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/cheers_e…

Five Elderly Ladies Another chain letter my mother sent... Hiding on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Massachusetts State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 24 mph. He thinks to himself, ""This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to h…