Harry Potter: A Shortened Version Voldemort: I must kill Harry Potter. Everyone else: Lol, no.

Looking for a nice, wholesome girl I can bring home to mom. She only dates nice, wholesome girls

Coworker: Pass your random drug test? Me: With flying colors! CW: Really? Me. So many colors! CW: You're high right now aren't you?

As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"