The scariest thing about being a doctor is if you ever, even once, accidentally call it a "cooter" you're fired for life.

Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place.

My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.

My company just gave the janitor the Employee of the Month Award in a big ceremony that he spent hours cleaning up afterwards.