I hate snakes because they have no feet. You could say I'm... lacktoes intolerant *opens another beer*

The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer per year. That's 41 miles per gallon...which is not bad.

Ways to know a guy at the bar wants to take you home: 1. He talks to you. 2. He buys you a drink. 3. That drink makes you REALLY sleepy.

Twitter is kinda like my diary except I don't use a glitter gel pen or tell you guys how much I miss Josh.