Dear Microsoft, If you had called it "Bang" instead of "Bing," you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night.

*A burlap bag is pulled off your head, a bright spotlight is causing you to blink* WHERE DOES THE ARCHIVED MICROSOFT OUTLOOK EMAIL GO.

My iPod started crying after I dropped it. I said "You'll be okay, stop syncing about it". We laughed & made jokes about Microsoft together.

Congratulations on being the kind of person who corrects the grammar of others, unsolicited. You're the Microsoft Word Paperclip.