[Enters baby room late at night] *flicks switch* [baby's got a raccoon in a headlock] "What the-" DAD CLOSE THE DOOR THIS PUNK OWES ME MONEY

When I was just a little girl I asked my mother, what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me No

Parent pro tip: Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted. They are about to ask to borrow money.

You know what I'd like for Christmas, mom? I'd like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I'd like some money and some new socks.