What would Jesus do? Today, take Mary out to Olive Garden.

it says here you got fired from Olive Garden because you kept saying "pasta la vista, baby" to people. why would you put that on a resume

In 2003 an Olive Garden waitress told me to tell her when to stop grating cheese on my salad. As far as I know she's still doing it.

NYPD officers accidentally shot two tourists in Times Square, but in the cop's defense, the tourists were about to eat at Olive Garden