As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"

"No mom I DON'T HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 18. "No mom I HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 28.

America only considers a war a success if we build a Bed Bath and Beyond in the enemy's capital.

Feeling sick at work. Subway to the bus-$5 Bus to commuter lot-$2 Puking in my car-$0 Guy in the car next to me puking in response-priceless