Lone Survivor The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,with a huge pile of bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. He says ""You can't judge me for this, I had to survive."" The rescue leader says ""But, Christ, man ... your plane went down two days ago!""
Sure I'll join your Cause on Facebook...Right after I jump out of an airplane without a parachute...
COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer
I tweet because it's fun and I like the validation, but also because one day it'll prove to a jury how crazy I am.
Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death.
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