I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.

My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.

Kobe Bryant's Wife filing for divorce. I bet somewhere right now Kim Kardashian is plotting..

*wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING