Someone hit my fender so I told them, 'be fruitful and multiply'... But not exactly in those words. -Woody Allen

Name three things that come in a little yellow box Kodak film, Dots candy and Woody Allen.

'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.