A man was hiking up a mountain when he spotted a woman standing at the edge of a cliff, sobbing her heart out. "What's the matter?" he called out. "I'm going to kill myself," she replied. "Well," he said, "if you're going to jump, how about giving me a blow job before you do it?" "I suppose I might as well," wailed the woman. "My life's been nothing but misery." After she had finished, the man said: "Wow! That was great! Why are you so depressed anyway?" She replied: "My family disowned me for dressing like a woman." I've noticed lately that there aren't always cards that suit the occasion. I was in a card shop a few days ago looking for a card for a mate who is terminally ill, so a 'Get Well Soon' card is not appropriate, as him getting well at all is a long shot. So I made my own. On the front I put 'Die With Dignity'. He's a funny guy and I'm sure he will find it funny and if he doesn't, it's not like I'll have to avoid him for long. Jimmy Carr